textually speaking

When people send me text messages that I think are funny I save them. Pretty soon my whole inbox gets filled up with locked messages and I have to go through and delete them. Here are some of my favorites of the moment, preserved in all their spelling and typo dignity:

• From: Brendan Hancock—Last night i had a dream where i needed to get some secret information from an intelligent talking globe. So i made a holographic program of princess leia and a silber android lying on a bed. The globe was in an elevator and when the door opened he saw princess leia and the silver android rubbing the sheets seductively and eyeing him. He stood looking at them for a second, then stepped off the elevator into the room. My cd-alarm started waking of up with the theme from "2001", and i said "this guy is seriously messed up."

• From: Dave Buck—You can't just start throwing apostrophes around saying they mean whatever you like

• From: Harold Miller—That is mysterious. Maybe you sleep ran naked through a swarm of them

• From: Erica Martin Ricks—You are the hippest adventurer i know. Thanks for coming to nyc. And im not jst saying that bc you left the wheat thins

• From: Harold Miller—Did i tell you that i successfully pregnated two cows yesterday? It was awesome! But I am very sore today. [...] It's a lot harder to get cows pregnant than i thought.

• From: Jace Wickman—.....can we try and fall and miss the ground

• From: Jace Wickman–Buahahaha Ahahahaha...well thats comeing along nicely
  

There are many more messages I have saved, but lots of them are from Jace Face and they are mushy and I'm not supposed to talk about them. True face. Also fact.

facts about today

1. It is the death anniversary of Helen Keller.
2. It is Clarissa's Plimpton's 20th birthday. (Coincidence? I think not.)
3. I watched Gattaca for the second time in 3 days.
4. We made theater seating for our living room using cinderblocks. It completed me. (Though looking at the pictures I realize that it looks a little ridiculous because our tv screen is so small. Our only defense is that we're girls. Don't hate.)

5. I did not fall asleep in any of my classes.
6. There are new episodes of Pushing Daisies!!!
7. My comparative lit professor knows that I love Pushing Daisies and I'm not sure how he knows.
8. The Vest will soon be returning to Provo!
9. I sold my first book on Amazon.com. It was Portrait of the Artist As A Young Man by James Joyce.
10. My friend Brendan had a strange dream involving an intelligent talking globe, Princess Leia, an android, and the theme song of 2001: A Space Odyssey.
11. Sometimes people fill in blanks where there were none left empty. I won't name names.

saliva

Towns in Utah have names that seem normal but are really weird. Like Salina (pronounced like Saliva) and Scipio (pronounced like Sip-e-o). I think they are trying way too hard to be different. 

But, there are some great things about towns with weird names.

 Like sometime they have stores called Burns Saddlery where you maybe buy a vest and share it amongst the four of you. 

And sometimes they have restaurants called Famous Mom's Cafe where famous people like Chuck Yeager have eaten. But sometimes they also have creepy little shops that smell like cigarettes and the walls are covered in hand prints and the owner just stares creepily at you the whole time you're there and you're glad there are four of you there all together instead of just one of you. 

Also sometimes it rains the whole time you are there. 

But always it is worth the trip because you have drawn fake mustaches on your fingers and purchased a Bruce-like vest and drawn up a list of rules (numbers 1 through star) regarding the keeping and sharing of the vest that will dictate the manner in which you will be connected forever. Or, at the very least, for the next 4 months.

four square

Four square is the game of the gods. Well, more like the game of the King Pin, the Duke, the Duck, and the Slurm sisters. What an epic battle it was. The most tragic was the inevitable self-slurming. Almost as unfortunate was being King Pinned, Duked, or Ducked. These things have been known to happen with incredible force and complete surprise. Especially to the Duke.

bruce

Today was my creative writing final. We all sat around, ate pizza, drank sketchy Bruce-made punch and swapped war stories. Some were true and some were fictive, but all (well, mostly all) were enjoyable. My favorite was a tale (a true one?) about the beauty of roadkill. It was deadly serious. Also loved were a waking dream about a special-ops clown and poem about colored people. Oh how I will miss Conversations with Bruce.